toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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