we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
