I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
