your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
