I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
