I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
