Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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