I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
