I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
