addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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