ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
