I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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