My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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