I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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