Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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