I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
