I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
