the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
