we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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