I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think my moral compass just broke
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
