i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
