having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
