Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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