He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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