do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
