I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
