Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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