I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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