Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
