dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
