Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
