don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
