Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
