I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
