please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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