Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
