Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
