Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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