im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
