honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
