As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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