So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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