it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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