I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
