So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
