In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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