non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
how drunk are you?
Several
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
