Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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