I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
