we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hippo gnu deer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
