so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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