Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
