I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
